Small talk is the art of starting casual conversations that spark interest and engagement, but many people find it challenging and feel uncomfortable in social situations that require small talk.
Whether you feel awkward speaking to new people or you just aren’t sure how to make small talk or initiate a conversation, we’re here to help.
In this comprehensive small talk guide, we’ll cover:
- The basics of small talk etiquette
- How to prepare for making small talk
- Good small talk topics (and some to avoid)
- Ways to initiate and sustain interesting conversations
- How to make small talk conversations more meaningful
We hope this small talk guide helps you feel more confident and less awkward next time you need to strike up a casual conversation with someone.
What is small talk?
Small talk is a kind of polite, informal conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial topics. It usually takes place between two people who don’t know each other well, often at social gatherings or networking events.
The aim of small talk is to get to know the other person a little better and create a relaxed atmosphere. This generally happens by asking a series of safe, conversation starter questions and letting the conversation develop naturally from there.
Depending on the situation, you may engage in small talk simply to fill time and be polite, or you may use it as a foundation for more meaningful discussions as you get to know someone.
When is small talk appropriate?
There are a wide range of scenarios in which you may find yourself needing to make small talk, such as:
- Chatting with a new colleague at work
- Talking to an Uber driver
- Getting to know someone on a first date
- Making connections at networking events
- Having an introductory telephone call
- Chatting to a stranger while waiting in line
- Meeting a friend of a friend for the first time
Some of these are completely spontaneous, whereas others give you a little time to prepare.
How to prepare for small talk
Here are some ways you can feel more prepared when it comes to having informal conversations with people.
Read up on current events
Keeping up with the news can give you fresh, interesting things to talk about.
Some current affairs topics are too controversial for small talk (e.g. politics and war), so focus on things like:
- Sports
- Things happening in your local area
- International news stories (of a positive or neutral nature)
- Celebrity gossip
- Popular movies and TV shows
- Award ceremonies
To introduce these topics, use phrases like:
- Did you hear about…?
- I heard that…
- Did you know that…?
- What do you think about…?
- I read that…
Have your ‘go-to’ small talk questions ready
Entering an event with a few questions prepared in your mind can make small talk easier and less awkward.
Try to think of a few varied questions on different topics, so if the other person doesn’t seem interested in the first one, you can move on to something different.
Keep reading for some good topics to talk about and how to form questions around them, but don’t forget to let the conversation flow in other directions too.
Practice with a conversation partner
If you are really anxious about having to talk to strangers or making small talk, especially if English is not your first language, it may help to practice speaking with a conversation partner.
This could be a trusted friend or colleague who can role-play some conversations with you.
Alternatively, you could take some conversational English classes with a private tutor using a service like Preply. Let them know you want to focus on small talk skills, and they’ll be able to guide you and build your confidence.
Learn from a pro
If you’d like to learn more in-depth tips for making small talk and building connections with people, why not take one of these courses on Udemy? They are available for an affordable one-off fee and may make all the difference to your conversational skills!
- Small Talk in English
- How To Master Small Talk: 6 Steps To Start a Conversation
- How To Talk To Strangers And Become Friends
Good small talk topics
Most people are comfortable talking about the following common things, whether it’s sharing an opinion, preference, or life experience.
- Food (favorite cuisine, catering at the event, local restaurants)
- Travel (places you have been, future travel plans)
- Entertainment (movies, TV, music)
- Culture (art, books, musicals, plays)
- Industry developments (at work events)
- Hobbies
- Job and career choices
- Weather
- Sports
If the person doesn’t seem very excited about the first topic you introduce, take it as a sign to move on to another subject.
Small talk topics to avoid
While small talk can cover a broad range of subjects, certain topics are best to avoid, especially when you’re just getting to know someone.
These personal topics can potentially lead to uncomfortable situations or heated debates, so are best avoided:
- Politics
- Religion
- Personal finances, salary, debt
- Health issues
- Controversial current events
- Sensitive family matters
It’s always a good idea to steer clear of these subjects unless you are sure that they would be appropriate and welcome in the conversation.
How to make small talk more interesting
Now that we have covered the basics, here are some tips for crafting great conversation at social events and other informal situations.
Pretend you’re speaking to a friend
It’s natural to want to make a good impression, but worrying too much about how you come across can make you more nervous and less natural.
Imagine how you would respond if your friends asked you about a new movie or your favorite book, and try to bring that sense of relaxed enthusiasm to your response.
In other words, just be yourself!
In addition, sharing personal stories can help build rapport and deepen connections during small talk, going beyond the shallow topics that some people dislike.
The key to sharing personal stories is to choose ones that are relevant to the conversation and can elicit a positive response or shared experience.
Try to find common ground with your conversation partner
Finding shared interests is key to an engaging conversation. When we discover common ground with someone else, it strengthens our connection and provides a wealth of topics to explore.
Maybe you both love the same sports team, enjoy cooking exotic dishes, or have a penchant for travel. These shared interests offer a gateway to deeper conversations and make small talk more enjoyable.
The key to finding these shared interests is to stay curious, ask open-ended questions, and listen attentively to the other person’s responses.
Give compliments
People love being complimented, and you could comment on their clothing or accessories to get a conversation going.
Appropriate ways to do this are:
- I love your earrings, where did you get them?
- It’s nice to see someone wearing bright colors in a sea of black and gray!
- That laptop bag looks very practical, what brand is it?
In professional settings, you may want to stick to complimenting people of the same gender, to avoid giving the wrong impression.
You could also compliment a speaker on their presentation, or just pay a compliment to the venue for the food, drinks, or ambiance.
Ask open-ended questions
One sure way to halt the flow of conversation is to keep asking closed questions – that is, questions that only have two possible answers like ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Not only does this not give the other person much time to speak, but it means you are constantly racking your brain for the next thing to ask.
Instead, ask open-ended questions that elicit a longer response and encourage the other person to keep talking.
For example, instead of asking “Do you like traveling?” you could ask “What’s one place in the world you would love to visit, and why?”
Similarly, follow-up questions are a great way to show that you’re not just hearing, but also understanding and interested in what the other person is saying. They help keep the conversation alive and allow for more in-depth exploration of topics.
Simple follow-up questions like, “Why is that?”, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” can lead to deeper and more engaging conversations.
Ask for suggestions
Once you know a little about the other person’s interests or expertise, you could try asking for suggestions or recommendations.
For example, you could ask about:
- A book to read on a certain topic
- Their favorite movie in a certain genre
- A restaurant to eat at later
- A course on a particular topic
- Someone they recommend following on social media
These make a great talking point because you’re showing an interest in the other person and making them feel like they’re making a valuable contribution to your life.
How to get better at making small talk
Do you get the feeling that people lose interest in what you’re saying or forget you quickly after talking to you? Here are some more ways to achieve small talk success.
Don’t linger too long on low-priority topics
It’s easy to begin a conversation by talking about the weather or complimenting the food at the buffet, but these are very superficial topics that can’t sustain a discussion for long.
Once you have broken the ice, move the conversation in a new direction before the other person starts losing interest.
Focus on the person and avoid distractions
In the era of smartphones and constant notifications, staying focused during a conversation has become more challenging than ever.
However, avoiding distractions is crucial for effective small talk. It’s not just about turning off your phone or ignoring your surroundings, it’s about being present in the moment and showing that you are genuinely interested in the conversation.
Try to stay focused on the person, making eye contact, rather than scanning the room or gazing off into the distance when they speak.
Make it a habit
If you really want to master the art of great small talk, practice doing it more.
Start conversations with strangers as you wait in line for a bus or at a store. It may sound daunting, but these micro-conversations don’t have to last long and will help build your confidence.
Practice active listening
Active listening is arguably the most crucial element of engaging small talk. It involves fully focusing on the speaker, understanding their story, and responding thoughtfully.
It’s not just about hearing the words, but also about understanding the feelings and viewpoints behind those words.
When you listen in this way, it’s easier to show you are genuinely interested in the person and keep them involved in the conversation. It also helps you avoid talking about yourself too much.
The role of body language
Body language is a powerful tool in any conversation. It communicates our emotions and attitudes, adding depth to our words. In a casual conversation, positive body language, like maintaining eye contact and using open gestures, can convey interest and engagement.
When you are actively listening and showing interest through your body language, you create a more comfortable environment for the other person, allowing the conversation to flow more naturally.
If you are on a phone call then you won’t be able to read a person’s body language, but do make sure you are using appropriate telephone conversation phrases.
Moving on from casual conversation
Small talk isn’t just about casual chit-chat; it can also serve as a stepping stone to deeper, more meaningful interactions.
Recognizing when and how to transition from small talk to a deeper discussion is a valuable skill. It’s about recognizing cues, timing, and choosing the right topics to delve deeper into.
These cues could be verbal, such as when someone shares a personal story, or non-verbal, like sustained eye contact or leaning in.
Getting connected
One of the purposes of small talk, especially at company networking events, is to make connections with people who you may want to work or partner with in the future.
If you want to keep in touch with someone, you can ask them for their business card or connect with them on LinkedIn or another platform. You may even want to set up a meeting to speak with them outside of the event.
Making introductions
Another natural development of small talk – and one of the most satisfying – is to be able to introduce one person to another.
You can make introductions based on shared interests, industry, location, or one person’s ability to help another out.
Once you have done this, you can either continue participating in the conversation or move on to speak to someone else.
What to do if you hate small talk
Many people dread small talk or find it completely pointless. Introverts, especially, can find it draining and would rather focus on more meaningful discussion topics.
That said, it’s important to remember that many people are not comfortable diving into deep conversations with someone they barely know.
So, rather than viewing small talk as something you’ll never understand or be good at, try making a mental shift to view it as a starting point to get to know someone at a deeper level.
Here are some other approaches you can take if you really dislike small talk…
Make a joke out of it
Begin with a basic conversation starter, and after that has been answered, say something like “Right, that’s the small talk done. Now, tell me about your deepest fear.”
You can adapt the second sentence, of course, but the idea is to make it fun by introducing a question or topic that would never usually be brought up during small talk.
Alternatively, you could begin a conversation by saying “Is it ok to start a conversation by saying how much I dislike small talking?”. Again, this brings some humor to the situation by addressing the matter directly.
Join an ongoing conversation
If you’re too shy to begin a new conversation with someone, try joining someone else’s.
Of course, this is only appropriate in certain situations – like a networking event or a social gathering, not a first date.
Once you have listened for a while, you may feel more comfortable sharing your opinion or something of interest.
Know how to exit a conversation gracefully
Last of all, it’s good to have an exit strategy for when the conversation has dried up or you just want to move on.
Here are some ways you can excuse yourself politely when there is a natural break in conversation:
- Would you excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.
- It was good to meet you, I’m just going to grab a drink.
- Well, it was lovely to meet you. Enjoy the rest of the event/day/evening.
- Oh, excuse me, I want to speak to [other person] while he/she is available.
And, as mentioned above, you can introduce the person to someone else you know and then leave them to chat together.
Final thoughts
Whether you approach small talk with enthusiasm or embarrassment, there’s no denying that it serves a valid purpose in improving social interactions and building relationships.
Remember, it’s not just about making idle chit-chat, but about sharing, listening, and connecting on a human level.
So, we hope the tips shared in this small talk guide will help you approach your next conversation with greater confidence.
FAQs
How do you make small talk less awkward?
Try to find something you have in common with the other person so you can discuss it with a genuine interest. To help with this, avoid giving short answers to questions but instead add some detail that will give the other person something to pick up on.
How can I practice small talk by myself?
It’s difficult to rehearse answers to small talk questions because they can be so varied. However, you can practice by learning some good opening questions and then try answering them yourself.
Why can’t I make small talk?
Some people struggle with small talk because they don’t see the point to it. They would rather connect on a deeper level and discuss something meaningful.
If this sounds like you, try to view small talk as a starting point and use it to transition into deeper topics that you have more interest in discussing.
What is the etiquette for small talk?
Good small talk is all about building connections by showing interest in the other person. Make them feel comfortable and valued by paying attention to what they say, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions. Also, avoid controversial topics that may cause heated discussions.
How do you usually start small talk?
Some good ways to start small talk are:
- Comment on the event you’re attending
- Ask how their day is going
- Comment on the weather/traffic
- Comment on the location you’re in
- Ask their opinion on something related to the event
- Ask if they traveled far to be there
