There are two common mistakes that occur when it comes to using I, me, and myself.
First is the incorrect use of ‘I’ instead of ‘me’ in sentences like “Sandy asked Jason and I to arrive early for the meeting.”
Second is the incorrect use of ‘myself’ instead of ‘me’ in sentences like “Please contact Paul or myself if you have any questions.”
Why are we so afraid to use ‘me’ correctly? These errors occur among native speakers just as much as English learners – if not more – so let’s take a look at the reason for the confusion and the grammar rules that show how to use I, me, and myself correctly.
I vs me vs myself
Let’s begin by defining what these words mean and the function they perform in a sentence. Keeping these functions in mind will help you decide when to use me or I.
‘I’ is a subject pronoun
The first person singular subject pronoun, I, refers to the person performing the action in a sentence. You use it to talk about yourself doing something.
For example:
- I ate an apple.
- I prefer cats to dogs.
- I would love to live in Italy one day.
- I don’t own a television.
The other subject pronouns are: you, he, she, it, we, and they. It can be helpful to remember these if you are unsure when to use ‘me’ or ‘I’, because you may find it easier to distinguish between ‘he’ and ‘him’, for example.
‘I’ is one of the words that is always capitalized when written in English.
‘Me’ is an object pronoun
The first person singular object pronoun, me, refers to the person the action is being done to in a sentence. You use it to talk about someone doing something to you (or for you).
For example:
- Julia gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers when I retired.
- You told me that you were going to cook dinner!
- My husband is going to take me out for dinner tonight.
- Does anyone want to ask me anything before I leave?
The other object pronouns are: you, him, her, it, us, and them.
‘Myself’ is a reflexive object pronoun
Reflexive pronouns are used when the subject and object of a sentence are the same, i.e. when a person does an action to themselves. Therefore, you use the first person singular reflexive object pronoun ‘myself’ when you are the recipient of your own action.
For example:
- I treated myself to a massage for my birthday.
- I am asking myself why I agreed to this.
- I injured myself playing tennis yesterday.
- I’m going to make myself a coffee.
Common mistakes using I, me, and myself
The most common mistake that people make is to use ‘myself’ and ‘I’ instead of ‘me’. You’ll also see ‘me’ used where ‘I’ is the correct choice.
The following sentences all demonstrate INCORRECT usage of I, me, and myself:
- Please let Tabitha or myself know if you have any problems. (Should be ‘Tabitha or me’)
- Me and Gary are having a barbecue this weekend. (Should be ‘Gary and I’)
- The group will be run by Jenny and I. (Should be ‘Jenny and me’)
- The award will be presented by myself. (Should be ‘me’)
- Please address any inquiries to myself. (Should be ‘me’)
Some people perhaps think that using ‘myself’ or ‘I’ in sentences like these can make the writer sound more formal, sophisticated, or professional. However, this is not the case unless the reader has the same misperception.
If these are the kinds of mistakes you’re worried about making, it can be helpful to use a writing assistant tool like Grammarly. It highlights possible errors in your writing as you type, so you can check them and make corrections. Why not try it for free?
Is it you and I or you and me?
When deciding whether to use ‘and I’ or ‘and me’, you must identify whether you are the subject or the object of the verb. In other words, are you doing the action, or is someone else doing it to you?
- Why don’t you and I grab a coffee sometime? (subject of ‘grab’)
- Please tell Sasha that my father and I appreciate her help. (subject of ‘appreciate’)
- Alistair and I will prepare dinner tonight. (subject of ‘prepare’)
- Liz bought donuts for you and me! (object of ‘bought’)
To decide between ‘you and I’ and ‘you and me’ specifically, consider whether you would replace the phrase with ‘we’ or ‘us’. ‘We’ represents ‘you and I’, whereas ‘us’ represents ‘you and me’.
Note that ‘you and me’ is sometimes acceptable as a subject in informal settings, but you shouldn’t use it in business communication or when taking an English test.
Me vs myself
When deciding whether to use ‘me’ or ‘myself’ in a sentence, consider this: Is somebody else doing the action to you, or are you doing it to yourself? Or, are you doing the action to someone else – in which case the correct pronoun is ‘I’?
Here are some examples to illustrate:
- Please could you email Sam or me when the report is complete? (object of ’email’)
- My sister surprised my husband and me by offering to babysit for the weekend. (object of ‘surprise’)
- I have ordered new office chairs for myself and Dylan. (reflexive)
- Either Sam or I will call you next week. (subject of ‘call’)
Another trick is to try removing the other person (or people) from the sentence. This may make it clearer when to use ‘me’ or ‘I’.
For example:
“Verity and … would like to express our appreciation.”
What should fill the gap: I, me, or myself?
Well, let’s remove Verity from the picture for now. Which of these would be correct:
A. I would like to express my appreciation.
B. Me would like to express my appreciation.
C. Myself would like to express my appreciation.
It’s A, of course. So the correct answer is: “Verity and I would like to express our appreciation.”
Let’s look at another example:
“Please let Fina or … know if you need any help.”
Removing Fina for a moment, would it be correct to say:
A. Please let I know
B. Please let me know
C. Please let myself know
The answer is B, so the full sentence should read: “Please let Fina or me know if you need any help.”
Hopefully, this tip will help you pick correctly between I vs me vs myself in the future. Make sure you also know the difference between your and you’re, as these words are often confused as well.
Which word comes first? Is it ‘and me’ or ‘me and’?
When referring to someone else and yourself with the pronoun ‘I’, it’s considered good practice to put yourself last in the list.
For example:
- Samir and I can’t make it to the show.
- Marcel, Tim, Paula, and I are organizing a surprise party for Vincent.
When using ‘me’, it doesn’t matter so much where the pronoun appears. You could say ‘him and me’ or ‘me and him’, for example.
- David asked if you could email the report to me and him when it’s ready, please. (Could also be ‘him and me’)
- Our mother gave my sister and me matching pajamas for Christmas. (Could also be ‘me and my sister’)
The same goes for ‘myself’; you can say ‘myself and’ or ‘and myself’.
- I decided to buy cupcakes for myself and Lily. (Could also be ‘Lily and myself’)
- I’m going to book a spa day for my husband and myself. (Could also be ‘myself and my husband’)
When to use ‘myself’ to add emphasis
There is one other way we can use ‘myself’ in English, but we have left this until the end because it doesn’t cause quite as much confusion as the examples we have covered above.
When used for emphasis (we call this an emphatic pronoun), ‘myself’ appears in addition to the subject and object. This means that ‘myself’ can be removed without altering the meaning of the sentence, for example:
- I, myself, believe that we should take action straight away.
- Nobody helped me to cook dinner; I had to do it myself.
- I gave the letter to her myself.
Some emphasizing transition words could also come in handy here.
So next time you’re unsure whether to use I, me, or myself, don’t just automatically default to using ‘myself’, assuming it will sound good. More importantly, don’t deliberately use ‘myself’ to try and make yourself sound more formal.
Check the points listed here to be sure you are using I, me, and myself correctly in any situation.
