Who and whom are both relative pronouns used to refer to people in the English language. Each one has a distinct grammatical function, yet they are often mixed up, even by native English speakers.
Here we will explain the difference between who vs whom and when to use each word in a sentence. We have included plenty of example sentences and common usages to help you make sense of this topic.
Who vs whom: The short answer
If you just need a brief explanation of when to use who or whom, this is it:
- ‘Who‘ is a subject pronoun used to refer to the subject of a sentence or clause.
- ‘Whom‘ is an object pronoun used to refer to the object of a sentence or clause.
Who and whom are often used as interrogative pronouns, forming questions to which the answer is a person or group of people.
If these terms don’t mean much to you, don’t worry. We’ll explain in more detail in just a moment. It’s as simple as knowing whether to use ‘I’ or ‘me’ in a sentence.
However, it’s important to note that although this difference exists in English grammar rules, it doesn’t mean that people always follow it.
Many native English speakers consider the use of ‘whom’ to be overly proper or fussy, and so they will use ‘who’ even when ‘whom’ would be correct, especially when speaking.
For example, it is technically correct to say “Whom did you see?”, because ‘whom’ is the object of the verb ‘see’. But most people would actually say “Who did you see?” to sound more natural.
At the opposite extreme, some people over-use ‘whom’ in an attempt to sound more sophisticated than they really are (a problem that ‘I’ and ‘myself’ also suffer from). This is not correct or accepted usage; the language is moving in the direction of ‘who’ replacing ‘whom’, not the other way around.
In formal writing and English tests, it is important to get the whom/who rule correct. In other contexts, it’s usually acceptable to default to ‘who’ and avoid sounding awkward.
To who or whom it may concern?
This phrase is common in written correspondence, and the correct version is “To whom it may concern” because ‘whom’ is the object of the verb ‘concern’. We can use this to begin an email or letter when we don’t know the name of the person receiving it. This is one phrase that most people seem to get correct, perhaps because it is so well-known.
We will cover some more common examples later on. For now, let’s look at a more detailed explanation of who vs whom.
What’s the difference between who and whom?
You’ve had the short answer; this is the longer version.
‘Who’ is used as the subject of a verb
We’ve established that ‘who’ is a subject pronoun and it is treated as the subject of a sentence or clause. In other words, ‘who’ refers to the person performing the action.
Here are some example sentences using ‘who’:
- Who ate the last chocolate from this box?
- The actors, who performed excellently in their last show, have now retired.
- The girl who was sitting next to me at the bus stop wouldn’t stop chatting on her phone.
Another way to know whether to use whom or who is to imagine replacing the pronoun with he/she/they or him/her/them. ‘He’, ‘she’ and ‘they’ are also subject pronouns, so they would sound correct in these sentences:
- He ate the last chocolate.
- They performed excellently.
- She was sitting next to me.
Note that the first example, which was originally interrogative, needs to be changed to a statement in order for this to work. Try forming an answer to the question and see which pronoun fits.
‘Whom’ can only be used as the object of a verb or preposition
If you do want to use ‘whom’ correctly, it appears as the object of a clause or sentence. As the direct object of the verb or preposition in the sentence, the pronoun ‘whom’ receives the action of the verb being performed.
The following sentences contain ‘whom’ as an object pronoun:
- Three of the people whom you met yesterday will be at the meeting tomorrow.
- She’s the girl for whom the poem was written.
- Pauline, about whom I was very rude earlier, has accepted my apology.
- To whom should I give this form?
- Whom did you invite to the party?
As above, we can try replacing ‘whom’ with him/her/they to make sure it is the correct choice.
- I met them yesterday.
- The poem was written for her.
- I was rude about her.
- Give the form to him.
- I invited them to the party.
Again, you must transform questions into statements for this to work well.
Using ‘who’ instead of ‘whom’
As noted above, although ‘whom’ is traditionally (and correctly) used in this way, it is becoming less common in everyday, informal speech and writing. Instead, you’ll often hear:
- Three of the people who you met yesterday will be at the meeting tomorrow.
- She’s the girl who the poem was written for.
- Pauline, who I was very rude about earlier, has accepted my apology.
- Who should I give this form to?
- Who did you invite to the party?
Note that in some sentences, where ‘whom’ is the object of a preposition, the word order has changed to avoid the uncomfortable juxtaposition of a preposition followed by ‘who’.
Why do we do this? Again, it’s to do with the ‘preposition + whom’ structure sounding overly formal. So although we know this is correct, we deliberately use ‘who’ to sound more normal – but in doing so, we have to avoid ‘preposition + who’ which is glaringly incorrect.
You may have heard that it’s wrong to end a sentence with a preposition in English, but this simply isn’t true.
Dropping who/whom completely
Sentences with restrictive clauses (those that limit or identify nouns) can sound more natural if we remove who/whom altogether.
- Three of the people you met yesterday will be at the meeting tomorrow.
- She’s the girl the poem was written for.
This does not apply to non-restrictive clauses, though.
Example sentences with common uses of who and whom
According to who or whom?
In this example, the pronoun is the object of a preposition and so ‘whom’ is correct: “According to whom?”
By who or by whom?
Here, the pronoun is the object of the preposition ‘by’ and so ‘whom’ is the correct pronoun: “By whom were you reprimanded?”
Is it to who or to whom?
The grammatically correct choice is ‘to whom’ because the pronoun is objective. A common example of this is in the phrase “To whom it may concern”, but there are many other instances where it may occur.
As to whom or as to who?
Both ‘as to whom’ and ‘as to who’ can be correct, depending on the context. You must first decide whether ‘who’ or ‘whom’ is correct according to the rules discussed above. ‘As to’ is a phrase meaning ‘regarding’, so it is different from the ‘to whom’ example above.
Once you have determined the nature of the pronoun, you can form your sentence:
- We were confused as to who had bought the champagne for our table. (who – subject)
- We were confused as to whom the champagne was for. (whom – object)
Is it from who or from whom
It’s correct to say ‘from whom’ rather than ‘from who’, because we use ‘whom’ as an object pronoun. For example: “From whom did you receive those flowers?”
Who to contact or whom to contact?
Here, we require a pronoun to function as the object of the verb ‘contact’, so ‘whom’ is correct: “Whom should I contact for further information?”
Conclusion: Grammar rules for who vs whom
We hope this article has helped you learn the difference between whom and who. Remember, in casual conversation it is usually acceptable to use ‘who’, especially if you don’t have time to stop and pause to determine whether who or whom is correct.
The only thing you may want to avoid is a preposition followed by ‘who’ (to who, for who, by who, etc.). In these cases, either use ‘whom’ as the object of the preposition or re-structure the sentence to avoid the situation completely.
If you want to make sure you’re using whom vs who correctly, remember the subject/object distinction and try replacing the word with another pronoun to test which is right.
And if you’re unclear about any other confusing words in English, keep browsing our pages for more helpful explanations.
